Author Archives: slickboy

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Commentary:
When someone asks about my weekend plans: 🎩✨ I'm not just mysterious, I'm a whole enigma wrapped in a riddle, sprinkled with confusion! 🤔🌀

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

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Actively avoiding stress, one nap at a time! 😴✌️

I drive like I’m immortal.

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Driving like you're in a video game, where's the restart button? 🚗💥😄

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

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Be the superhero we all need by stopping the Zoom apocalypse 👩‍💻⏳🚫

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

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Even on rough days, let your pits smell like victory! 🙌💪🤣

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

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Sounds like a high-latency relationship! 😂💻❤️

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

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Normalize laughing at ourselves for not being normal! 😆🤷‍♂️

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

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Ah, nothing like paying extra for a change of scenery while your kids perfect their eye-roll game! 😂✈️💸

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

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Guess I've been sending it mixed signals with my WiFi password! 🌌🤔📶

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

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Preemptive ghosting: the spooky art of vanishing before becoming the vanishee! 👻🙈