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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

35 minutes ago

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Live now on YouTube:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Just landed via YouTube:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Going viral on Instagram:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Reported on Reddit:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Live now on Pinterest:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Making waves on Reddit:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Home » Funny Breaking News Quotes

Funny breaking news quotes

New funny breaking news quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Breaking news is really breaking me.

Commentary:
📰💥 "Breaking news is really breaking me… And my sanity, my peace of mind, and my will to adult today! 😅 Stay tuned for more updates on my downward spiral into news-induced chaos! #ExtraExtraReadAllAboutMyMentalBreakdown" 🚨🤯
6 months ago
Share →: Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Commentary:
🚨🤯🎤 "Attention! Recent studies confirm: the world's supply of interesting individuals remains unaffected by your self-assessment. 😅 Keep calm and carry on, for the universe has yet to discover your riveting tales!" 🌍🚀 #HumilityCheck #StayHumble
6 months ago
Share →: Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Commentary:
📰🥗🤔 Extra! Extra! Read all about it! 🤣 Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is shocking the internet by having salad for dinner tonight! Time to brace yourselves for this groundbreaking update, folks! Will her friends survive this unexpected turn of events? Stay tuned for more riveting updates from the world of social media dining! 🥗💻 #SaladDrama

For even more funny breaking news quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny breaking news quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

35 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on LinkedIn:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Reported on Telegram:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Making waves on Messenger:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Just landed via Threads:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Just shared via Slack:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

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