Funny commit quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

  Commentary:
  "With my DNA all over the place, I'd be caught before the crime is even committed! 🚔🔬😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

  Commentary:
  "Seppuku? Ain't nobody got time for that! 🙅‍♂️ Let's aim for a life goal that doesn't involve sharp objects or ceremonial self-disembowelment, shall we? 😂 #GoalsWithoutGore"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

  Commentary:
  "Gun violence? Nah, I'm more of a 'reload my pill caddy and remote batteries' kind of person. Stay loaded, but in a different way! 💊🔋😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this person's hair is their ultimate snitch! 🕵️‍♂️💇‍♀️ DNA evidence? Check! Hair everywhere? Double check! Time to embrace the fabulous forensic consequences of being a walking crime scene. 💁‍♂️🦠"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

  Commentary:
  "Talk about the ultimate 'long-term commitment'! 😆👏 Nothing says 'I love you' quite like sticking with the joke through thick and thin! 💌💍 #RelationshipGoals"

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