Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Going viral on Threads:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Spotted on TikTok:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Seen just now on Slack:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Going viral on WeChat:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Funny constipation quotes

Funny constipation quotes bring a hilarious twist to an otherwise uncomfortable topic 🍑💨 Laugh away the struggle with clever jokes and witty lines that turn bathroom battles into comedy gold 😂🚽 Whether you’re feeling stuck or just love a good pun, these quotes will have you giggling while you wait for relief! #BathroomHumor #StayLoose

New funny constipation quotes 👇

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

4 weeks ago

anxiety, constipation, diagnosis, doctor, humor, joke, just, me, medical, medical joke, wordplay, worry
I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

4 weeks ago

bizarre, constipation, doctor, dragon, drug, drug experience, experience, hallucination, humor, i, LSD, myself, prescription, saw, shit, sure, surreal, unexpected, why
I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

4 weeks ago

constipation, emotion, feeling, humor, i, month, shit, think

All funny constipation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

56 shares on Threads this month:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

66 shares on X this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: Greek mythology needs more live-action movies. I’m tired of re-watching Percy Jackson.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Trending via Threads:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Just landed via WhatsApp:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Breaking via Instagram:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

Just shared via YouTube:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Trending via TikTok:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Seen just now on Slack:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Live now on Twitch:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

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