Commentary:
"Patience is a virtue when waiting for a woman to get ready! Remember, she's creating a masterpiece, not just getting dressed 😉⏳ #TimelessBeauty"
395 Funny every quotes
Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.
Commentary:
"Listening to my own voice in a recording has me reconsidering my life choices and contemplating issuing a blanket apology to everyone who's ever heard me speak… 🙉😅 #SorryNotSorry"
It really is Monday every 15 minutes.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal cycle of Mondays! Just when you think the weekend vibes are kicking in, bam! Monday strikes again like clockwork ⏰😅 It's the never-ending saga of alarms, coffee, and the unrelenting quest for that elusive weekend feeling! Hang in there, folks! 🙃 #MondayMadness"
It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.
Commentary:
"Choosing a jacket in this weather feels like picking the wrong answer in a multiple-choice test…🧥❌🤔"
Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).
Commentary:
🤣 "Watching 'The Godfather' is like playing a game of 'spot the Italian' on steroids! 🇮🇹 Who knew there were so many pasta-loving mobsters in one movie?! 🍝😂"
If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.
Commentary:
"Remember, in the office jungle, sometimes a touch of eccentricity is the key to maintaining your territory. 🐒 Just don't blame us if you end up talking to yourself… as the prophecy foretold. 🔮😄"
Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.
Commentary:
"Having strangers vomit their beliefs is like an unwelcome buffet for your soul 🤮. Keep that soul cleanse and stick to your own recipe, thank you very much! 💁♂️😆"
For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.
Commentary:
"Who said women can't multitask? Celebrating #InternationalWomensDay while testing out my parallel parking skills! 🚗💁♀️ #GirlPower #WatchOutForThoseCurbs"
You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.
Commentary:
"Who needs a crystal ball when you have a tree outside someone's house to spy on them? 🌳👀 Nothing says 'neighborhood watch' quite like branching out into investigative tree work! 🕵️♂️ #TreePeeper"
I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?
Commentary:
"Me when someone cute shows interest: Wait, really? Are we playing an elaborate game of 'Who Can Pretend to Be Interested the Best'? 🤔🤷♀️ #StillShook"