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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,608

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Just landed via WeChat:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Going viral on Slack:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Making waves on WeChat:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Trending via Twitch:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Funny getting ready quotes

Funny getting ready quotes are the perfect way to add some laughter 😂 and lightheartedness to your morning routine ⏰✨. Whether you’re battling bed hair or fashion dilemmas, these witty sayings will have you smiling 😄 and feeling fab before you even step out the door 🚪💃. Get ready to turn those hectic prep moments into pure fun! 🎉👗 #MorningVibes #GetReadyGiggles

New funny getting ready quotes 👇

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

0

2 months ago

after, another, dog, fashion, getting, getting ready, humor, ID, know, me, outfit, party, perspective, pet, pet perspective, ready, thinking, try, while
I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

0

2 months ago

boredom, couch, dressed, getting, getting ready, hate, i, idiot, impatience, overprepared, ready, sit, too, wait, waiting
My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

0

2 months ago

always, getting, getting ready, habit, humor, i, management, minutes, personal, personal struggle, problem, procrastination, punctuality, ready, self-awareness, struggle, think, time, time management
It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

0

2 months ago

always, doing, getting, getting ready, hectic, hour, humor, management, me, minutes, nothing, preparation, procrastination, ready, rest, self-care, time, time management

All funny getting ready quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

19 shares on X this month:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

34 shares on X this month:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

70 shares on X this month:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

69 shares on X this month:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Just shared via X:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Just landed via Threads:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Just shared via YouTube:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Just shared via Discord:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Going viral on WeChat:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Just landed via Telegram:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

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