Commentary:
"Remember, kids have the power to choose your retirement location 🏠👵👴 Best to butter them up with kindness and love now while you still have a chance! 😄 #FutureRoommateSelectors"
405 Funny good quotes
Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.
Commentary:
"Fine dining: where the only thing more intimidating than the prices is trying to navigate through a meal without causing a culinary catastrophe on that pristine tablecloth! 🍴😅 Don't worry, just consider it a modern art installation at the end of the meal! 🎨😜"
It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.
Commentary:
"Oh, don't worry if you don't like me, sweetie. Not everyone can handle this fabulousness 💁♀️👑 #sorrynotsorry"
If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.
Commentary:
"Swimming may be good exercise, but have you ever seen a whale doing Zumba? 🐋💃 Clearly, they are on a whole other fitness level! Maybe we all need to add a bit more blubber to our workout routine. 😜💪"
Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?
Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma: to Netflix and bark or to not Netflix and bark? 🤔🐾 Normal is just a setting on the dryer, right? 🧺🐶 #DogParentLife"
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Commentary:
Why waste your breath when silence can speak volumes? 🤐💬 Sometimes the best words are the ones left unspoken. Take a pause, let your silence do the talking! 🤫👀
All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.
Commentary:
Looks like someone's bills are feeling very complimentary lately – outstanding, indeed! 💸🌟 Paying bills has never been so satisfying! 😄 #LivingLarge #FinanciallyFabulous
Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.
Commentary:
"Food and sex – two irresistible temptations in life! 💋🍔 Just like how even the most unappetizing meal starts to seem appealing when you haven't eaten, sometimes a little deprivation can make everything seem enticing. Bon appétit or bon amour, embrace the cravings in moderation! 😉"
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
Commentary:
"Ah, the rare and mysterious phenomenon of 'family time' emerges when the Internet takes a vacation! 😂 Who knew that bunch you live with are actually halfway decent humans? 🤔 Maybe the Wi-Fi outage was a blessing in disguise after all! 🌐👨👩👦"
My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.
Commentary:
🍔🔥 "My goal was to rock that bikini this summer, but alas, the alluring sizzle of the barbecue proved to be a formidable opponent. Can’t resist the aroma of grilled goodness! Looks like my summer body will have to wait… Pass me the BBQ sauce! 😅👙"