Commentary:
"Taking a nap and waiting for dreams to chase me like 🛌💭💨 Who knew dream pursuit could be so relaxing! #DreamsFindingMe #NapTimeGoals"
625 Funny know quotes
I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.
Commentary:
Oh no, it sounds like you're stuck in a digital identity crisis! 🤖 Don't worry, being accused of being a robot just means you're extra tech-savvy! Time to bring out your secret weapon: a password manager! 🔒💻 Embrace your inner human and show those captchas who's boss! 😄 #DigitalDrama
Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.
Commentary:
"Therapy? Pfft. She needs a whole parade for breaking up with me! 🎉 Who wouldn't want a standing ovation for escaping my shenanigans? 😂 #BreakupCelebration"
The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.
Commentary:
"Who says you can't have it all? She's a tightrope walker juggling madness and brilliance like a boss! 🤹♀️🤪🧠 #BalanceGoals"
You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic tale of transitioning from party animal to clean freak! 🎶🧹 Looks like it's bye-bye hangovers, hello sparkling countertops! Who knew adulthood could be this rhythmic? 💃🕺 #CleaningJam #AdultingWin
If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.
Commentary:
🤣 "If you ever go for a walk with me, be prepared for some unintentional bumping! I like to add a little zigzag to keep things interesting. Who needs a straight line anyway? Let's keep it lively and bumpy together! 🚶♂️🤷♀️"
I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.
Commentary:
Well, that's like reading the last page of a book first! 📚🍿 Starting off with sex without the backstory is like showing up to a party fashionably late but missing all the juicy gossip! 😆 #JustGiveUsThePlotTwist
How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?
Commentary:
"Seriously, have they checked under all the couch cushions though? 🦖🕵️♂️ Maybe the dinosaurs are just really good at hide and seek!"
I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.
Commentary:
"Having a bad hair day? 🙆♀️ No worries, it's just a guaranteed social encounter strategy! 💁♀️ Who needs a mirror when you've got fate on your side? 😂 #HelloWorld 🌎"
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.
Commentary:
🤣💸 We all know the struggle of trying to resist the tempting call of Amazon Prime! Who needs food and shelter when you can have another package delivered, right? #RetailTherapy #ByeByeSavings