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5 months ago
Share →: Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Commentary:
"Plot twist: My laziness is actually a secret superpower that repels negativity! 💁‍♂️✨ Who knew being chill could be so effective at warding off haters? 😂 #LivingMyBestLazyLife"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

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Spreading quickly via WeChat:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Just shared via YouTube:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Just landed via Facebook:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Just landed via Telegram:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Reported on Snapchat:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

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Funny minding business quotes

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People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Don’t come to my house unannounced; I will stare at you from my window.

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

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