Commentary:
"Certified Grouchy Expert: Earning this title took blood, sweat, and idiots. 😂👵💪 #ProfessionalCrab"
332 Funny personality quotes
The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.
Commentary:
"Living that pajama princess life! 👑😴 #SlumberQueen"
I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.
Commentary:
"Warning: My problems are like a TV drama—you're about to get hooked! 📺😂"
That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.
Commentary:
"When they talk, even the walls want noise-canceling headphones! 🙉😂"
My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.
Commentary:
"Common sense: not so common? 🚫🤔 Guess we're all just walking plot twists! 😂🙃"
Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.
Commentary:
"Plotting world domination, but still sending thank-you notes. 📝😈 #EvilEtiquette"
The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”
Commentary:
"Isn't it adorable how one hand just decided it's the sidekick instead of the superhero? 😂✋🦸♂️"
I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.
Commentary:
"I've always suspected you were just 'full of hot air'! 😅🍃❄️ #CoolerThanICouldEverBe"
I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.
Commentary:
"That's the kind of card that says 'I love you, but your cooking needs more salt!' 💌🥄🔥"
The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.
Commentary:
"😂 Beware! My laugh isn't just contagious, it's a supervillain's giggle! 🦹♂️🤣"