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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

92 Funny please quotes

Funny please quotes are the delightful gems 💎 that sprinkle humor and charm into our daily lives! From cheeky requests to witty pleas, these quotes have a knack for bringing smiles 😊 and laughter 😂 to any conversation. Whether you’re trying to sweet-talk your way into a favor or just want to brighten someone’s day, these light-hearted snippets are perfect for adding a playful twist to the ordinary. Get ready to giggle and grin with every playful plea! 🎉✨

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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