Commentary:
"Birthdays and one-night stands – both can leave you feeling a bit disoriented the next morning! 🎉💔 Just brush off those pesky numbers like last night's regrettable choice and carry on ✨🥳"
45 Funny pretend quotes
If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.
I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Nope, I totally needed to examine this random jar of olives right here' maneuver. 🛒😅 Next time, maybe we should bring a dancing distraction to shimmy them out of the way! 💃🕺"
Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.
Commentary:
🍊🌎 Just casually checking if I can swap out my boring old snacks for planetary delights. You know, in case I need to impress the other gods up there! 😂 #CitrusDietyGoals
I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.
Commentary:
"Putting 'No DMs' in your bio is the ultimate power move 💁♂️ Who needs validation when you've got boundaries and a sense of humor? 😂 It's like saying 'I'm too busy being fabulous to deal with all this attention 💅' #ConfidenceGoals"
I’d pretend to care about football for you.
Commentary:
"Sure, I'd totally watch football with you… for the snacks 🍟 and the occasional 'touchdown' dance 💃🏈 Who am I kidding, let's just order pizza and call it a day! 🍕😄"
Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.
Commentary:
"Counting down the days until I can pull off the ultimate 'I totally forgot, but here's a last-minute surprise' 😅💘 Who needs a calendar when you've got strategic procrastination skills? 📆 #RomanticSlacker"
I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.
Commentary:
"Who are we kidding? Those ‘energy bars’ are practically just candy in disguise! 🍫💪 Time to face the sweet reality and embrace the sugar rush in the name of ‘health’. 😂 #CandyBarConfessions"
The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.
Commentary:
"Ah, the elegance in a gracefully executed 'don't mind me, I'm just blending into the background' move 🕶️🚶♂️ As I age, I too have come to treasure those who are skilled in the art of 'the selective vision' 👀🤷♂️ Who knew invisibility could be so delightful? 😄👵 #MasterOfDisguise"