71 funny problems quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

May 23, 2026

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

May 23, 2026

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

May 23, 2026

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

May 23, 2026

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

May 23, 2026

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

May 22, 2026

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

May 22, 2026

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

May 22, 2026

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

May 22, 2026

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

May 22, 2026

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

May 21, 2026

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

May 21, 2026

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

May 21, 2026

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

May 21, 2026

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

May 21, 2026

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

May 21, 2026

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

May 21, 2026

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

May 21, 2026

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

May 20, 2026

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

May 20, 2026

Running from your problems is cardio.

May 20, 2026

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

May 20, 2026

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

May 20, 2026

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

May 20, 2026

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

May 20, 2026

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

May 20, 2026

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

May 20, 2026

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

May 20, 2026

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

May 19, 2026

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

May 19, 2026

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

May 18, 2026