Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect foundation for a mutually questionable relationship! 😂💔👀
1257 Funny sarcasm quotes
Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.
Commentary:
Sure, here it goes: Life hack: Speedrun to getting blocked by spreading too much love! 😂❤️🚫
Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.
Commentary:
Can't wait for that top-tier disappointment! 🤣💔🙌
“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”
Commentary:
Sounds like your future memoir title should be "2020: The Year That Really Needed a Cigarette Break" 🚬😂📅
No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.
Commentary:
Sounds about right! Guess Cupid needs a GPS these days 😆💘📍
Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.
Commentary:
😆 📚 "If reading were a skill, I'd gladly return it after seeing this!" 📚😆
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’
Commentary:
Sure thing! How about this: "I guess I should have sent a 6-month notice before actually wanting a car 🚗🤔🙈"
Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.
Commentary:
Spreading kindness online—because "Get off my lawn!" doesn't work over Wi-Fi! 😄🌐
If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.
Commentary:
Looks like someone's ready to host a TED Talk on the Art of Yawning! 😴🤔
I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?
Commentary:
Finding out it wasn’t your fault at work feels like discovering a hidden chocolate stash when you thought you were on a diet 🍫😆🎉