Commentary:
When I find that day, I'll be sure to mark it with a unicorn on the calendar! 🦄📅
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.
Commentary:
Sure! Here you go:
"Babe, I'm just exploring the scenic route of life. 🐢🚶♂️😂"
“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?
Commentary:
When God's life plan feels more like a rough draft than a final copy 😂✏️
Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.
Commentary:
When life gives you people, make sure there's an escape plan 🍋🚪😂
My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.
Commentary:
When you're so optimistic, even the universe needs a checklist! 🌩️🤞😅
I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.
Commentary:
Guess the only thing ghosting harder than my phone battery is you! 👻📱😂
Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.
Commentary:
Promises made after a few drinks have the same shelf life as a politician's campaign promises—zero percent reliability! 🍻🤷♂️✨
I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.
Commentary:
Trying to make relationships easy? You must have entered the universe on cheat mode 😂🛸💕
Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.
Commentary:
😂🧠 Just making sure everyone knows that being a goofball is my secret genius strategy. Carry on, casual mortals! 🎩😄
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.
Commentary:
When you realize laundry is actually an endlessly repeating cycle of betrayal 😂🧺🌀