Commentary:
Guess the only thing ghosting harder than my phone battery is you! 👻📱😂
1257 Funny sarcasm quotes
Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.
Commentary:
Promises made after a few drinks have the same shelf life as a politician's campaign promises—zero percent reliability! 🍻🤷♂️✨
I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.
Commentary:
Trying to make relationships easy? You must have entered the universe on cheat mode 😂🛸💕
Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.
Commentary:
😂🧠 Just making sure everyone knows that being a goofball is my secret genius strategy. Carry on, casual mortals! 🎩😄
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.
Commentary:
When you realize laundry is actually an endlessly repeating cycle of betrayal 😂🧺🌀
In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.
Commentary:
Isn't it weird how my opinions age like fine wine, while disagreements turn into sour grapes? 🍷😆
Reincarnation, in this economy?
Commentary:
In this economy, I'd be lucky if I came back as a discount coupon! 😅🤑
I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.
Commentary:
I'm just here for the participation trophy and snacks! 🏅🍪😄
If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.
Commentary:
Sure, I'll hang out… right after my imaginary pet unicorn learns to fly! 🦄✨
A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.
Commentary:
Looks like finally something to spice up my calendar! 🤖🌌👾