Commentary:
"Emails are like cookies—they never find me well, but always find me snacking! 🍪📧😂"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.
Commentary:
"Men: 'I want you!' Me: 'To bring snacks and watch me binge-watch Netflix?' 😅🍿📺 #Priorities"
I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.
Commentary:
"Finally, a book I definitely *won't* put on my shelf. 😂📚 #ReversePsychologyWin"
I’m running out of people I like.
Commentary:
"Looks like I need to start a campaign to recruit more likeable humans! 😅🤔 #LimitedSupply #CastingCall"
Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.
Commentary:
"Following my lead: the express lane to comically epic failure! 🎢🤣 #GuideToDisappointment"
Salt is just angry sugar.
Commentary:
"Someone needs to give salt a yoga mat and a calming playlist! 🧘♂️🎶🤣"
You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.
…
Commentary:
"Taking 'bravery' to a whole new level! 😂📞 #OldSchoolNerves"
We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.
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Commentary:
"Finally found the secret to eternal youth: dodge the TikTokers! 😄🕺👵 #ModernDaySorcery"
Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?
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Commentary:
"Oh great, the parking lot is hosting a reunion and my car wasn't invited! 🚗🙄🎉"
That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.
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Commentary:
"That place is so exclusive, even its own crowd can't get in! 🎟️🚪😄"