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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Trending via Facebook:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Just landed via Telegram:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Shared recently on Threads:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Spreading quickly via X:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Trending via WeChat:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Making waves on Threads:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Funny second chance quotes

Funny second chance quotes bring a smile 😄 to those moments when life gives us a do-over 🔄! Whether you flubbed it the first time or just need a little extra luck 🍀, these witty lines remind us that everyone deserves another shot — with a side of laughter 😂. Ready to embrace your comeback with humor? Let’s dive into the funniest ways to celebrate second chances! 🎉✨

New funny second chance quotes 👇

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

4 days ago

another, block, chance, communication, email, getting, humor, i, me, sarcasm, second, second chance, technology
I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

2 weeks ago

chance, chances, give, goodbye, humor, i, just, limits, never, relationship, second, second chance, wit
Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

2 weeks ago

40, adult, adult dating, after, chance, comparison, damaged, dating, funny comparison, humor, item, least, over, over 40, relationship, second, second chance, smell, store, thrift, thrift store, trying

All funny second chance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

86 shares on Slack this month:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

85 shares on X this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Going viral on Reddit:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Shared recently on Threads:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Just shared via Snapchat:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Live now on Threads:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

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