Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Just landed via Discord:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Going viral on X:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Shared recently on Twitch:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Just shared via Slack:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Making waves on Reddit:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Live now on YouTube:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Trending via Pinterest:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Breaking via Discord:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Trending via Threads:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Going viral on Messenger:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

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