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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,503

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Just shared via Telegram:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Live now on Slack:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Going viral on Threads:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Live now on Slack:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

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“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”
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Commentary:
The secret to financial success: become a hermit with narcoleptic tendencies 🏡🛌💰😴

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t hate me, date me!

48 shares on Twitch this month:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

33 shares on Discord this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,547

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Going viral on WeChat:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Trending via YouTube:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Going viral on YouTube:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

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