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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Making waves on Slack:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Spotted on YouTube:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Trending via WhatsApp:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Freshly posted on X:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Spotted on X:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally embracing the fine art of bird spa management! 🐦🛁😂

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on X this month:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

19 shares on Threads this month:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

30 shares on X this month:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What are cats even trying to do?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Just landed via Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Live now on WhatsApp:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Live now on Facebook:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Breaking via Twitch:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Trending via Telegram:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Going bananas on Slack:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Going viral on Discord:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

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