Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,368

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Shared recently on Discord:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Trending via Discord:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Spotted on Slack:

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

Trending via Instagram:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Live now on YouTube:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Making waves on Twitch:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

4 months ago

0

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Here we go: galloping towards doomsday one selfie at a time! 🐎📱😆

apocalypse, Facebook, four, horseman, horsemen, humor, Instagram, joke, maybe, media, social, social media, TikTok, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

0

2 months ago

acceptable, dad, family, humor, i, life, never, sneeze, volume
If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

0

2 months ago

healing, humor, i, inventor, irony, linear, medical, much, tell
A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

0

2 months ago

better, competition, cycling, cyclist, faster, humor, i, me, run, shark, speed, swim, triathlon
This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

0

3 months ago

3, brain, days, humor, i, memory, middle, middle school, nostalgia, novel, read, reading, same, school, using
I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

0

2 months ago

business, business savvy, childhood, fairy, humor, i, job, outsourcing, parents, savvy, tooth, Tooth Fairy
Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

0

2 months ago

ask, aspiration, dream, dream job, dreams, humor, i, irony, job, me, never, procrastination, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

25 shares on Messenger this month:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

23 shares on Telegram this month:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

13 shares on X this month:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Live now on YouTube:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Going viral on Instagram:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Trending via Messenger:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

Trending via Twitch:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴