My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

3 weeks ago

Commentary:
I've finally got my act together, but somehow I still can't locate my marbles! 😂🦆🐘🍳🐟

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

1 month ago

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I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

4 weeks ago

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I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

2 months ago

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My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

2 months ago

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I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

1 month ago

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Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

1 month ago

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