Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.