Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Going viral on Slack:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Spotted on TikTok:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Going viral on Messenger:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Just landed via Messenger:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I'm the hot new snack in town! 🦟❤️🍽️"

bite, dating, humor, insect, joke, match, me, mosquito, right, seems, swipe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

0

2 months ago

car, death, die, grandfather, humor, irony, passenger, peaceful, screaming, sleep, want
Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

0

5 months ago

along, complain, complaint, humor, judgment, judgmental, media, random, social, social media, stranger, tweet, Tweets, Twitter, welcome
You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

0

2 months ago

crazy, emotion, fall, humor, humor in love, love, never, realization, realize, relationships, self-awareness
Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

0

2 months ago

activity, best, driving, fun, gaming, humor, Kart, Mario, training, turned, winter
Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

0

2 months ago

digital, forgot, gone, humor, life, lightbulb, login, man, modern, modern life, password, roommate, technology, too
Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

0

2 months ago

again, belief, disappointment, humor, i, irony, mistake, regret, told, trust

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

86 shares on Threads this month:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m sick of living through history!

Going viral on Messenger:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Seen just now on Threads:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Trending via Snapchat:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Spotted on Instagram:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨