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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,673

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Breaking via Discord:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Making waves on Threads:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Making waves on YouTube:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Going viral on X:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Making waves on Reddit:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Just landed via X:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Taking this challenge one swear word at a time! 🚫💢🙊

28-day, 28-day challenge, challenge, daily, daily goal, goal, humor, i, motivation, no-swearing, procrastination, restart, self-improvement, started, today, tomorrow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

0

2 months ago

back, holding, humor, inner, inner strength, lot, reply, sarcasm, sarcastic, self-control, strength, wit
Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, bathrooms, cars, convenience, frustration, highway, humor, life, travel
Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

0

2 months ago

favorite, guess, honesty, humor, motive, never, people, person, personality, personality trait, selfish, selfish person, trait
You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

0

2 months ago

day, enjoy, expression, greeting, hours, humor, language, next, nice, phrase, problem, say, saying, sounds, threat, threatening, time
Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

0

2 months ago

bro, events, fine, impossible, just, need, odds, order, perfect, play, sequence
Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

0

2 months ago

afraid, back, change, childhood, fear, generational, humor, i, internet, parents, technology, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

27 shares on Threads this month:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

74 shares on Threads this month:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

53 shares on Messenger this month:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Just landed via YouTube:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Making waves on Messenger:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Trending via Threads:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Spotted on Reddit:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨