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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

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15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Spotted on YouTube:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Just landed via YouTube:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Shared recently on Discord:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Going viral on X:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

1 month ago

Witty quote about attempting a no-swearing challenge with humorous self-awareness.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Taking this challenge one swear word at a time! 🚫💢🙊

28-day, 28-day challenge, challenge, daily, daily goal, goal, humor, i, motivation, no-swearing, procrastination, restart, self-improvement, started, today, tomorrow

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81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

94 shares on X this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

52 shares on Threads this month:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

16 shares on Slack this month:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Trending via Slack:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Seen just now on Slack:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Making waves on Slack:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Just landed via Discord:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Making waves on YouTube:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Later is the best time to do anything.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Later is the best time to do anything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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