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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,836

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Seen just now on TikTok:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Spotted on Twitch:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Making waves on TikTok:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Just shared via Facebook:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Going viral on X:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Yeah no, "Yeah no" is my kinda multitasking! 😂🤔🙅‍♂️

casual, casual language, combo, conversation, expression, favorite, favorite combo, humor, language, phrase, slang

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

1 month ago
activity, around, bang, catch, class, crates, critter, crush, easy, eat, fun, fun activity, game, giant, head, humor, jump, Mario, mushroom, super, Super Mario, video, video game, want
My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

1 month ago
career, career change, change, Christmas, Christmas song, funny idea, hit, hit song, i, idea, just, learn, music, need, plan, recording, retirement, retirement plan, sing, singing, song
Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

1 month ago
90, doctor, eye, eye doctor, eyesight, health, humor, joke, right, test, vision, vision test
Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

1 month ago
affect, cheating, credit, credit score, honesty, humor, partner, relationship, score, should, trust
I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

1 month ago
anthem, award, award ceremony, ceremony, country, country music, humor, i, listen, music, music preference, national, national anthem, preference
Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

1 month ago
away, burn, distraction, food, forever, irony, kitchen, patience, seconds, time, toast, waiting, walk

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Trending via Messenger:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Going viral on Threads:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Just shared via Discord:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Trending via TikTok:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

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Activity Log ✨

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

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“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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