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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Going viral on Facebook:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Spotted on TikTok:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Just shared via YouTube:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Just shared via X:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Live now on Slack:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Breaking via X:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Witty text about being in a playful hallucinationship instead of single status.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Relationship status: Currently in a committed Hallucinationship. It’s complicated, but at least the arguments are never dull! 🤪💑 #HallucinationshipGoals"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

18 shares on Messenger this month:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to consult the woods about this.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,394

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Making waves on X:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Going viral on TikTok:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Going viral on X:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Just landed via YouTube:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Breaking via Messenger:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

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