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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,364

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Just landed via Discord:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

Spotted on Instagram:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Just landed via YouTube:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Spotted on Facebook:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I knew the weather app got too advanced when it started setting me up for dates! ☔️📱😂

beautiful, blowing, call, humor, phone, severe, severe thunderstorm warning, thunderstorm, warning, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, back, bra, concert, fame, humor, i, just, onstage, performance, rich, run
If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

0

2 months ago

adventure, factory, fast, food, ID, imagination, marinara, river, spaghetti, tube, Wonka
Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

0

2 months ago

candy, eat, food, guilt, heart, humor, i, much, stomach, today, too, too much, yes
If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

0

2 months ago

close, comedy, door, haunted, house, humor, open
Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

0

2 months ago

contrast, fun, gangster, humor, irony, rainbow
Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

0

2 months ago

addiction, adrift, entertainment, feeling, feeling adrift, HBO, HBO show, humor, morality, show, spirituality, Sunday, television

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Threads this month:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

60 shares on X this month:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

68 shares on Threads this month:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Just shared via Telegram:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Just landed via Twitch:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Just landed via Threads:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Shared recently on Snapchat:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Just shared via Reddit:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨