Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Ah, the true celestial drama queen! Blocking them is like trying to escape the force of the universe itself! 🌞🌜⭐ Don't mess with someone who sees themselves as the center of the cosmic show!

blocking, humor, me, metaphor, moon, relationship, stars, sun

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

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2 months ago

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want
At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

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2 months ago

adulthood, age, comfort, good, humor, mattress, priorities, sleep, want
Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

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2 months ago

accent, British, British accent, humor, irony, self-deprecation, smart, wit
And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

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2 months ago

disappointment, expectation, getting, humor, me, money, rich, unexpectedly, week
You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

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2 months ago

assumptions, head, humor, imagination, lot, perception, psychology, relationships, self-reflection, someone, stuff, tell, thoughts
All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

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2 months ago

bed, day, humor, i, irony, nighttime, procrastination, relaxation, sleep, think, thoughts, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on TikTok this month:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

31 shares on X this month:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

56 shares on X this month:

Is this simulation from Temu?

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Trending via Pinterest:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Trending via Slack:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Freshly posted on X:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Seen just now on X:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Spotted on YouTube:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Just landed via Instagram:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨