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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

793 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,955

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,955

Updated

27 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Live now on Slack:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Making waves on Slack:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Just shared via X:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

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Funny Bob Ross quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

793 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,955

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,955

Updated

27 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Just shared via TikTok:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Live now on TikTok:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Just landed via Facebook:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Live now on X:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Just shared via Reddit:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Reported on TikTok:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Just shared via Threads:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

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