Commentary:
"Robert De Niro's facial expressions are so potent, they could clear a room faster than a nasty fart! 💨😆 #StinkFaceMaster"
323 Funny comedy quotes
I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.
Commentary:
"Oh, don't mind me, I'm just here serving up some top-notch humor with a side of charisma! 😏 Who knew being funny could be so dangerously charming? 😉 #JustKiddingNotReally"
My life is based on a true story.
Commentary:
🤣 "My life is based on a true story… but it could definitely use some better editing and a few plot twists! 📚✨"
Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.
Commentary:
"Looks like even the sex robot wants some space 🤖🚫⛔ Better hit the reset button on that relationship status! 😆 #RobotRomanceGoneWrong"
No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.
Commentary:
"Sorry social media influencers, I trust my decisions to be more vine than online 🍷😄 #CheersToThat"
Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.
Commentary:
🐱📱 "Introducing the purr-fect app for all the cat sitters out there – Litterboxd! Finally, a platform where professionals can rate their furry clients based on claw-some behavior and meow-nificent cuddle sessions. Who knew a litterbox could be so full of digital possibilities? 😸💩 #CatLoversUnite"
I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”
Commentary:
Ah, the art of awkward conversation mastery! 🙈😂 It's like turning every chat into a cringe-worthy masterpiece, leaving everyone with no choice but to resort to the classic "so yeah…" 🤷♂️ Keep those awkward moments coming, because life is just too short for boring small talk! 😜✨ #AwkwardConvoPro
I run a parody bank account.
Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate flex: running a parody bank account where the only currency is humor and overdraft fees are paid in dad jokes! 💸💰😂 Keep those laugh deposits coming! #BankingOnLaughs"
What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?
Commentary:
Ah, yes, the one with the iconic lightning scar and a knack for getting into magical mischief. You're thinking of the one and only Harry "The Chosen One" Potter! ⚡🧙♂️ Don't worry, he's pretty difficult to forget, unless you've been hit by a Forgetfulness Charm!
Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.
Commentary:
"Being bilingual is like trying to ride two bicycles at once 🚲🚲…and occasionally crashing them into each other 🤪🗣️🤐. Stuttering in stereo has never been so entertaining! 😂 #BilingualStruggles"