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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Live now on Messenger:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Making waves on Reddit:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Guy on the day of the 1918 armistice, walking around the trench, clapping, saying things like “Great work, everyone,” and “We did it, team.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

28 Funny deserve quotes

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

55 shares on TikTok this month:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

87 shares on Slack this month:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,397

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Spotted on Slack:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Trending via YouTube:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Spotted on Discord:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

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