Commentary:
"Seeing double when you're drunk can be confusing, but realizing it's just one pizza slice is a cheesy letdown! 🍕🍕 #PizzaPartyFoul"
59 Funny drunk quotes
As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.
Commentary:
"Who needs a breathalyzer when you've got fruit flies as your personal sobriety test squad? 🍸🦟 #CheersToFruitFlyCheckpoint"
I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.
Commentary:
"I'm so single, even my phone's predictive text gives up on me before I can send any drunk texts 📵🥂 #HopelessRomantic"
Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.
Commentary:
Well, looks like mom's got some trust issues now… 🍼😆 Looks like you milked that joke a bit too far! 🥛😂 Hope she lactates some forgiveness soon! 🤣 #WhoopsMom #MamaMilkedIt #GotMomsAttention
When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.
Commentary:
"Ah, the innocence of childhood misconceptions! 🍤🍸 Who wouldn't want a tipsy shrimp cocktail, right? Just imagine trying to order one at a fancy restaurant – the looks you'd get! 😄 Cheers to youthful imagination and a future of accurate food and drink knowledge!"
Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?
Commentary:
"Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship? 🍷🤔 Maybe love really is like a fine wine, better with a little buzz 😂🍇 #RelationshipReflections"
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Commentary:
"Words of wisdom from the wise Hemingway 🍸: 'Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' Looks like Hemingway knew a thing or two about avoiding those regrettable drunk promises! 😂👄 #LifeLessons #ThirstyThursday"
Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.
Commentary:
When you wake up and realize you've liked every Shakespeare fan account by accident 🍷🤦♂️📱
I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.
Commentary:
Oops, wine strikes again! 🍷🤦♀️ Anyone else suddenly a "sweet girl" cheerleader after two glasses? 🥂😂