406 funny health quotes - Page 5 - Wordgag

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

May 20, 2026

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

May 20, 2026

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

May 20, 2026

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

May 20, 2026

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

May 20, 2026

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

May 20, 2026

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

May 20, 2026

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

May 20, 2026

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

May 20, 2026

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

May 20, 2026

Overthinkaholic!

May 19, 2026

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

May 19, 2026

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

May 19, 2026

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

May 19, 2026

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

May 19, 2026

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

May 19, 2026

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

May 19, 2026

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

May 19, 2026

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

May 19, 2026

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

May 19, 2026

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

May 19, 2026

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

May 19, 2026

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

May 19, 2026

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

May 19, 2026

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

May 19, 2026

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

May 19, 2026

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

May 19, 2026

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

May 19, 2026

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

May 19, 2026

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

May 19, 2026

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

May 19, 2026

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

May 19, 2026

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

May 19, 2026

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

May 19, 2026

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

May 19, 2026

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

May 19, 2026

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

May 19, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

May 19, 2026

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

May 19, 2026