Commentary:
Putting the "fun" in dysfunction! 😅🙃 #MasterOfPessimism
409 Funny health quotes
God gives the most irritable bowels to the most beautiful angels.
Commentary:
When you're an angel on the runway but a hurricane in the bathroom 🚶♀️💨😇
I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.
Commentary:
Always keep your inner horniness at a simmer, just like a pot of spaghetti—you never know when you're gonna need a full plate 🍝😄🔥
Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
Commentary:
Switching coffee for green tea: the fastest way to transform waking up from a sip of happiness to a morning of leafy sorrow ☕➡️🍵😂
I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.
Commentary:
Who knew the appendix was the first organ to be voted off the island? 🤨🏝️ #AppendixEviction
Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.
Commentary:
Well, if my morning coffee spills, is it divine intervention telling me to clean up my act? 🤔☕️🧹
The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.
Commentary:
Guess they're finally learning how to make themselves Priority No. 1 on their own list of Most Annoying People! 😆🛋️💆♂️
Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.
Commentary:
That's sanitizer's unique talent—finding invisible paper cuts like a ninja detective! 🕵️♂️🩹😂
It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.
Commentary:
Sounds like a great way to dodge house chores the next day! 🍷🤢🛌
Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.
Commentary:
Lying around like a professional sloth is officially self-care training! 🛌😴🦥 #Goals