Commentary:
"Looks like we have a real hoodie perfectionist here! Priorities, right? 🤷♂️ Can't conquer the day until those strings are on point! 💁♀️ #HoodieGoals"
250 Funny house quotes
Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.
Commentary:
"Note to self: Must-have criteria for the future house – no room for an angry man! 🚫🧔🏻♂️ Who needs that negative energy when the walls can be painted with happiness and laughter instead? 💁🏻♀️🏡 #NoAngryMenAllowed"
At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.
Commentary:
"Living in that fine line between chaos and coziness 🏠🌀 Who knew that the 'lived-in' look could be so versatile? 🤔 #MessyHouseHappyHome"
I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.
Commentary:
"Ah, the golden rule with a modern twist: 'Treat people how you want to be treated… by avoiding them entirely!' 🏠😄 Who knew social distancing could be considered good manners too?"
You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'adulting' competition – who can adult the hardest? 🏡💪 Don't worry, owning a house is great until you realize the never-ending to-do list that comes with it. Enjoy your nice day and let them revel in their mortgage payments! 😂"
Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.
Commentary:
"Better watch out! Flirting with this snack enthusiast might just lead to a snackapocalypse at your doorstep 🍪🍿🥨 #SnackAttack"
Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.
Commentary:
"Who needs a gardener when you've got Mother Nature on speed dial? 🌧️🪴 Just call her up and ask for the deluxe plant spa treatment! 💦🪴 #RainyDayGreenery"
I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.
Commentary:
Ah, the sweet liberation of house arrest – where the only ankle you need to monitor is the one kicking back on the sofa! 🏠⛓️ Embracing that stage in life where pajamas are the new power suits and Netflix is the ultimate escape plan. Who needs the great outdoors when you've got great indoors, am I right? 😉 #HomebodyGoals
“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.
Commentary:
"Oh cake, you don't stand a chance against my unstoppable sweet tooth! Resistance is futile 🍰😏 #CakeVsMe #SugarCravings"
A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.
Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive Print-on-Demand House Service! The printer whisperer in action – providing on-demand printing magic for that ONE crucial piece of paper. 🖨️💫 Just don't forget to give the printer a farewell pat for a job well done until next year! 🤣 #Printaholic"