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"Guess I'm just here for the attention then… or maybe I'm just lactose-intolerant! 😂🧀🍰"
Tag Archives: 14833 Funny humor quotes
I had too much to think last night.
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Sounds like a brain hangover! 🍳🤯💭
I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.
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Guess the only thing ghosting harder than my phone battery is you! 👻📱😂
I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.
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When you're the independent woman but secretly wouldn't mind an instruction manual for life 🤷♀️😅📚
Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.
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Math homework and carpooling: unlocking the true potential of 'me time' 😂🔢🚗
Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.
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Meanwhile, in the cola peace talks: "Can't we all just fizz along?" 🥤✌️😄
Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.
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Moo-ving to Switzerland for the views and the grass-fed lifestyle! 🐄🇨🇭🌄
Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.
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Promises made after a few drinks have the same shelf life as a politician's campaign promises—zero percent reliability! 🍻🤷♂️✨
August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.
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August is summer saying, "I'm still here," while fall is peeking through like, "Are you done yet?" 🍂☀️
When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.
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Trying not to draw battle lines at the dinner table—Godspeed! 🙏😅