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When I wake up, even my alarm clock gives me a standing ovation 😂⏰👏
14852 Funny humor quotes
Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.
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Job hunting: the ultimate game of hide and seek where you're the seeker in denial 🤦♂️🔍💼
A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.
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When a circle needs a therapist but just ends up going in circles! 🌀😂
Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.
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Testing: The newest frontier in thigh acoustics! 🎶🦵😂
Imagine thinking you have all the answers.
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Pretending I have the answers, but really just a professional guesser! 🎲🤔
Due to unforeskin circumcistances …
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Looks like someone really cut to the chase! ✂️🤣
Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.
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Procrastination level: expert 🤣🛌📈
Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.
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Guess my tweets are now considered "professional development" material 😂📈 #HRGoals
A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.
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Playing hard to get: the ultimate plot twist for optimists in disguise! 😆👏✨
Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.
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When your brain has its own suspense thriller 📚🔍😅