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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Making waves on WeChat:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Trending via Messenger:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Just shared via Discord:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Spotted on TikTok:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Trending via X:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Trending via Pinterest:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Funny intake quotes

Funny intake quotes are the perfect way to lighten up your day and add a splash of humor to those routine moments! 😂 Whether you’re diving into new projects or just tackling your daily to-do list, a little laughter goes a long way. Ready to chuckle, smile, and maybe even relate? Let’s fuel your fun side with some witty and playful vibes! 🎉😄✨

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Instagram this month:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

92 shares on YouTube this month:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Making waves on YouTube:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Going viral on Telegram:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Just landed via Slack:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Trending via LinkedIn:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Live now on Threads:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Spotted on X:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Seen just now on X:

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

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