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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

At least life has music.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,730

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Trending via Threads:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Just landed via X:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

Breaking via TikTok:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Funny jazz quotes

Funny jazz quotes 🎷 bring the perfect blend of rhythm and humor to brighten your day! Whether you’re a smooth sax fan or a wild trumpet lover, these witty lines hit all the right notes 🎶😂. Get ready to snap your fingers and smile as we dive into the playful side of jazz, where every beat tells a joke and every melody has a punchline! 🎺😄

New funny jazz quotes 👇

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

2 days ago

beautiful, club, dating, humor, jazz, jazz club, problem, taking, woman, women
You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

5 days ago

dancing, expression, fake, hand, hands, humor, jazz, jazz hand, performance, smile
Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

2 weeks ago

cell, cell phone, company, give, give up, hold, hold music, humor, interest, jazz, lose, music, phone, play, smooth, smooth jazz, working
I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

2 weeks ago

dance, hand, hands, humor, i, jazz, jazz hand, just, let, performance, self-expression, speak, think

All funny jazz quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just let your girlfriend be crazy, like who cares, bro.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

49 shares on Twitch this month:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You can reach me by butterfly.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Just shared via Telegram:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Spotted on WeChat:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Trending via Slack:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Going bananas on Telegram:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

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