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Patiently perfecting the art of slow exits since… now. 🚗⏳👻
1648 Funny just quotes
Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.
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When you're surrounded by word vomit and forgot your umbrella! 🤦♂️🤷♀️💬💩
I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.
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Sounds like a solid game plan: step 1 – panic, step 2 – genius mode activated! 🧠😂🔥
If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.
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Trying to imagine 400 lads from Liverpool starting a band… sounds like the world's largest pub choir! 🍻🎤🎶
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.
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Running late to a meeting I never RSVP'd to, but here we are! 🤷♂️🚀⏰
Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.
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When cats and mice stop fighting, world domination begins! 🐱🐭💪🌍
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
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Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️
My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.
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Guess I know why they call it a knotty subscription 🤣✨🔌
I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.
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Dancing along happily in blissful ignorance 🎵🤷♂️🎶
The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.
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Just unlocked a new level of adulthood where you reluctantly admit mom was right all along… but those eye rolls were totally justified! 😂🙄