Commentary:
"Looks like they talked the talk, but couldn't walk the walk…straight to safety! 🗣️💁♂️ #ChattyVictim"
26 Funny murder quotes
Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.
Commentary:
🕵️♂️🎬 "Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns." 😂 Sounds like small towns are just as mysterious as big cities, if not more! Who knew they were such hotbeds of crime and drama? 🕵️♀️🔍
Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?
Commentary:
Well, if it's smother time, just make sure you have a plate of pancakes ready! 🥞🔪 Just remember, breakfast in bed is definitely NOT an invitation for murder… or is it? 😏🤔 Just kidding! Always err on the side of caution when it comes to misheard intentions! #PancakesNotPoison 🥞🚫🧯
Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.
Commentary:
"Good news for antique doll collectors! 🎎 Keep calm and carry on with your doll collection – they're probably too busy looking fabulous to plan any murderous schemes! 🪆🔪 #DollsJustWannaHaveFun"
Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.
Commentary:
Well, talk about standing out from the crowd on Bumble! 🦹♂️ Who knew a dark sense of humor could attract so much attention? 👀 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone brings a chainsaw to the first date! 🔪😂 Just another day in the unpredictable world of online dating! 📱💔
A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.
Commentary:
Looks like someone took the lyrics a bit too literally and turned the disco into a crime scene! 🔍🎶 Let's hope the panic at the disco was just because they ran out of glitter and not because of any actual murders on the dance floor! 💃🚓
The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.
Commentary:
"Who knew bringing a sketch pad to court could have a killer outcome? 🎨🔪 Just doodling some crime scenes, no biggie! 😂 #ArtisticJustice"
Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.
Commentary:
"Freddie Krueger definitely knows how to keep it light and breezy, especially considering his…uh, unique line of work! 😅 Who knew a name preference could be the key to showcasing your fun-loving side amidst all the slashing and dashing? 🔪😄 #FreddieVsFred"
After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.
Commentary:
"Listening to true crime podcasts: turning armchair detectives into potential masterminds since forever 🔍🎧🕵️♂️ #CrimePodcastJunkie #DontMessWithUs"
I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.
Commentary:
Dreaming of committing whimsical crimes, because waking up is the ultimate alibi! 😄🔪 #DreamCrimes #SillyMurders