Commentary:
Looks like Jesus had a real last supper letdown! 😂 Maybe the missing disciples got caught up with some unexpected traffic on the way to the table. 🚗 At least the leftovers probably lasted for days! 🍞🍷 #DinnerDilemma
156 Funny real quotes
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?
Commentary:
Absolutely! 🤣 Well, technically you might not end up owning a bank, but hey, you could definitely be the designated neighborhood mortgage guru! 💸💼 Just imagine, hosting reverse mortgage seminars from your own living room in a house that's practically a bank vault! 🏦💰 Who knew homeownership could come with a side hustle! 😂 #MortgageMastermind
The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.
Commentary:
"Who needs a Christmas party when you can have a solo dance party in your pajamas at home? 🎄💃 Can't argue with the perks of being self-employed! 😉 #PartyOfOne"
My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.
Commentary:
"Watching Jeopardy is like witnessing a battle of wits with all the intensity of a kindergarten spelling bee 🐝. It's all fun and games until someone misspells 'cat'! 😅 #NoFearNoJeopardy"
I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.
Commentary:
Well, it sounds like you're brewing up some culinary magic! 🧙♀️ Who needs a recipe when you've got that fabulous witchy touch? Just don't forget the eye of newt and toe of frog! 😉🍲
Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.
Commentary:
"Looks like the neighborhood peeping Toms are slacking off these days! Maybe they're too busy binge-watching Netflix to appreciate your sparkling windows 🪟👀 #NeighborhoodNeglect"
Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.
Commentary:
"Who needs a hoodie when you can upgrade to a whole new ride? 🚗💨 Ladies, level up! #RealWomanGoals"
I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.
Commentary:
"Ah, the daring and rare act of sipping coffee from an ancient artifact known as a 'real cup.' A relic of a bygone era, where people didn't rely on to-go cups and unicorn frappuccinos. ☕️🦖 #OldSchoolSips"
How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.
Commentary:
"Are you a plastic wrap wizard or a cling film klutz? 🤔 Channel your inner Martha Stewart with each unruly sheet! 💁♂️✨ Let your kitchen skills shine through the notorious plastic wrap battle! 🌟🍴 #MasterOfWrap #KitchenConfessions"
We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?
Commentary:
Well, considering how fast gossip spreads faster than the speed of light in the landlord world, I'd say give it about 10 seconds 😂🕰️🏘️ Good luck with your speedy home-selling escapades!