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Sliding into DMs like: "I brought cookies, but they burned. Perfect match? 🍪🔥😅"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.
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Sounds like they're both in a romantic comedy, but forgot they were cast as the extras. 😂🎬🤦♀️
Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.
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That moment when "School of Hard Knocks" becomes the real alma mater 🎓😅 #LifeSkillsArePriceless
They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.
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Who knew my soulmate would have a couch and a notepad? 🤦♂️🛋️📝
“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”
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Sounds like they're guarding the gates of Mordor, not the doctor's office! 🧙♂️🚪😅
People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.
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Sounds like somebody missed this week's devotion session 😂👑 #AllHailMe
Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.
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When you're wearing rose-colored glasses but also checking if everyone else's lenses need Windex. 🤓🕶️✨
Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”
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I'm at the stage where future plans are more of a 'let's-see-if-I-make-it-that-far' mystery novel 📅🔍💀
Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.
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Sounds like love in the time of furious scrolling 😂💞📱
If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.
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When brains were handed out, some folks were busy updating their relationship status 😂🤦♂️