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Looks like we've scheduled the meeting for the 12th of Never-uary! 📅😂
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.
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Living my best life by perfecting the art of productive procrastination. 🙃🎉
If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.
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Sure, and if pigs could fly, they’d have private jets too! 🐷🛩️
Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”
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When you need to politely ask someone to get moving but also want to keep the "may your descendants forever feel my mild road rage" option open 😂🚗📢
My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.
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Selective hearing level: expert 🦸♂️👂🎯
I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.
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Who knew my college degree would be in Scamology? 🎓💼😂
“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.
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Is it time for an excavation or am I just digging myself into a philosophical hole? 🕳️🔍😂
“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.
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When your budget's tighter than a lid on a pickle jar 😂💸 #AdultingStruggles
It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.
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Navigating the end times one "meh" at a time 😅🤷♂️🍕
“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”
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Looks like some people were left on "read" by Santa last year 😂🎅🎄