Commentary:
When you realize the cat's emotional support skills unmatched and you're over here starring in a drama series no one asked for 📉😹
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
Commentary:
Living the dream, sounds like a real nightmare! 😂😎
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.
Commentary:
Wow, with all those words, you'd think there'd be at least a polite way to schedule a chair appointment! 🙃🪑📚
Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.
Commentary:
Sounds like Professor needs a recess instead of teaching a lesson! 🍎📝📚
Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?
Commentary:
Saving up for a penthouse suite in the afterlife, I see! 😈💸✈️
Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.
Commentary:
That's my kind of shopping list: All or nothing! 🛒🤔😄
Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.
Commentary:
Oops, was my brain accidentally set to 'genius' mode again? 🤓🧠💡
The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.
Commentary:
Finding extra cash during the holidays is like finding a unicorn in my wallet 🦄💸
Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.
Commentary:
Even my cat's hairball incidents get a heartfelt "Sorry!" 😂🙈
“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.
Commentary:
Oh, perfect! Just needed someone to say it—problem solved! 😂🤔✨