Commentary:
I hear selective amnesia is on sale this week! 😂🧠✨
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.
Commentary:
Smiles can be deceiving; sometimes they're just imagining you as a human campfire! 🔥😄
Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.
Commentary:
Sounds like those guys are about to have a hiss-terical encounter! 🐍😄
If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.
Commentary:
When sarcasm is the love language, it’s hard not to fall head over heels 😂💬❤️
Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.
Commentary:
Dodging small talk with style, one resting face at a time 😂😎🛑
My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.
Commentary:
Mastering the art of optical finger gymnastics! 🖕👀✨
Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!
Commentary:
Monday should come with a snooze button and some caffeine on the side! 😴☕✨
I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.
Commentary:
Looks like I need to reschedule my appointment with Dr. Frankenstein for that soul upgrade 🤖❤️
My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.
Commentary:
Sounds like your teen just discovered the secret unit of time called "laundry minutes" 😂⏳🧺
Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.
Commentary:
When he says he’ll give 110%, but he meant 110% of the bare minimum 🤦♂️🙈