Commentary:
"Guess you're swimming in the kiddie pool of thoughts! 🤔🤿😂"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.
Commentary:
"Either way, you're in for a real 'knead' and twist! 😂💆♂️🤷♀️"
If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?
Commentary:
"Trying to exist online without getting offended is like playing dodgeball with a brick wall! 😂💻🚧"
People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.
Commentary:
"Admitting mistakes is for amateurs! I'm only professionally flawless 😜🦄✨ #PerfectlyImperfect"
If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.
Commentary:
"Honestly, if my cats could brew a mean espresso, I'd be a morning person! ☕🐱😴"
Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?
Commentary:
🏠💰 "Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?" 😂🔑
Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.
Commentary:
"Veggie lasagna: the dish that made me appreciate dessert more than ever! 🍝🤐😂"
Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.
Commentary:
"Because who doesn't love being agreed with… by themselves? 🤣🔊❤️ #EchoChamberLove"
I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.
Commentary:
"When you're equal-opportunity offensive! 😂🚀 #SharingTheChaos"
If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.
Commentary:
"When I blow out birthday candles, I become a philosopher. 🎂💨🤔"