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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

816 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,978

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,978

50 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Seen just now on Reddit:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Breaking via TikTok:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Shared recently on Slack:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Going viral on Slack:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Freshly posted on X:

The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Just landed via Discord:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Home » Funny Time Machine Quotes

Funny time machine quotes

New funny time machine quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Commentary:
"Time travel goals: destination 'now'! 🚀⏰ Because why visit the past when the present has snacks? 🍕😄"
4 months ago
Share →: Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Commentary:
"Time travelers facing tough ethical dilemmas: Do we really need to take down baby Hitler, or can we just catch him in his angsty teenage phase? 🕰️👶💥 #ChronoConundrums"
4 months ago
Share →: Time machine? You mean a clock?

Commentary:
"Oh, a time machine? You mean a clock? ⏰ Well, I guess it'll have to do until we perfect our flux capacitors and DeLoreans! 🚗✨ Time flies when you're pun-ny! 😉"

For even more funny time machine quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny time machine quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

816 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,978

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,978

50 minutes ago

3,425

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Live now on Discord:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Trending via YouTube:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Shared recently on Discord:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

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