Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Spotted on YouTube:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Going viral on Messenger:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Making waves on Slack:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Spotted on Threads:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Wow, that's a tall order for the universe! 😎🌟 Let's hope it's feeling ambitious today!"

am, beautiful, confidence, day, good, humor, i, morning, positivity, self-love

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

0

2 months ago

attractive, care, confidence, humor, me, mosquito, opinion, people, personal, perspective, self-esteem
There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

0

2 months ago

bedtime, before, blooper, comedy, end, horror, horror movie, humor, movie, relaxation, should
The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, grass, greener, humor, life, only, perspective, reality, side
My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad turn, family, humor, just, kids, less, parenting, relationship, resolution, taken, turn, wife, yell
I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

0

2 months ago

ground, humor, i, just, marry, mom, parent, relationship
I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

0

5 months ago

authentication, day, experience, humor, i, joke, login, love, once, only, sign, sign-on, single, single sign-on, technology, times, user, user experience

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

68 shares on Slack this month:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

90 shares on Slack this month:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Trending via Snapchat:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Live now on TikTok:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Making waves on Slack:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Just shared via Facebook:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Just landed via Messenger:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨