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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Spotted on YouTube:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Trending via Pinterest:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Just landed via Instagram:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Trending via Slack:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like you're universally consistent 😂💫 #FallenStarStatus"

arrogance, confidence, dude, every, humor, i, omniscience, sarcasm, sci-fi, universe, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

4 months ago

anticipation, faster, humor, lurking, Monday, nothing, procrastination, remembering, reminder, ruin, ruins, shadow, weekend, workweek
You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

1 month ago

being, communication, engagement, humor, insult, media, much, social, social media, tried
Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

2 months ago

chubby, contradictions, dynamics, eat, eating, family, family dynamics, food, guilt, humor, less, little, parents, say
Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

2 months ago

day, deserve, ending, enemy, humor, me, meeting, meetings, office, relationships, sarcastic, work
People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

2 days ago

being, frustration, hate, humor, income, job, money, people, poor, poverty, still, work, working
No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

1 month ago

complaint, defense, hr, HR complaint, humor, legal, me, office, workplace

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Trending via Pinterest:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Trending via Reddit:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Going viral on Messenger:

Just shared via Messenger:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Just shared via Slack:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

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Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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